When the Holidays Feel Hard: Simple Ways to Lift Your Mood This Winter

People say the winter holiday season is “the most wonderful time of the year,” with caroling, sidewalk decorations, and festive events all around us. But if you’re not feeling the holiday spirit, you’re not alone. The winter holidays are a challenging time for nearly nine out of 10 Americans, according to the American Psychological Association.

“During this season, there is a pressure to feel merry,” says Columbia psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Philip R. Muskin, MD. “The disparity between how you actually feel and what you think you are supposed to feel can cause guilt and confusion on top of everything else.”

The “holiday blues”—a term describing feelings of isolation, sadness, anxiety, or stress during the winter holiday season—are often caused by factors such as social expectations or financial strain. In addition, some people may experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as seasonal depression. SAD is a type of depression that occurs in the late fall and winter as the amount of daylight decreases north of the equator, leading to feelings of sadness, fatigue, and more.

“Separation from friends or family members can be particularly painful at this time of year,” Dr. Muskin says, which can exacerbate these feelings and make it harder to cope.

Prioritize self-care

These feelings may seem isolating, but they’re both common and temporary. Dr. Muskin offers these tips to bolster your well-being during the holiday season:

• If you’re feeling lonely, stay connected to friends and family through regular phone or video calls. Setting up a “virtual holiday party” can be fun and is easy to do with online platforms like Zoom. On the other hand, recognize your limits and avoid taking on too many social commitments if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
• Try to be physically active every day. Even walking around the block releases neurotransmitters in the brain that can boost your mood, relieve pain, improve sleep, and more.
• If you experience SAD, discuss treatment options with your doctor or a mental health professional. Keep track of your symptoms. You may be experiencing SAD, but if you’re still feeling depressed beyond winter, it could be major depressive disorder.
• Try practicing mindfulness techniques, keeping a gratitude journal, or using simple breath techniques such as boxed breathing or physiologic sighing to manage symptoms of anxiety and depression.
• This time of the year can feel especially difficult for someone who has experienced the loss of a partner, family member, friend, or a pet. Don’t hesitate to seek out support from others, including your primary care physician or mental health professional.
• Consider volunteering some time to help others. Research shows that engaging in acts of kindness and generosity can positively impact our health and well-being.

Above all, give compassion to yourself by setting realistic expectations for this season. 

“We make this time of the year special, but that is not a requirement. Do what is right for you, which might not be hosting a party or going to a party,” says Dr. Muskin. “The holidays are about empathy and compassion, so practice that on yourself. The greatest gift we can give ourselves is self-care and love.”

Remember that just because you feel a certain way today doesn’t mean you’ll always feel that way. Focusing on your physical and mental health during the holidays can help you enjoy the season knowing that there are brighter days ahead.